Compatible Evil
by Sleeping Dragons Die
Summary: I have heard that the teenage years are the worst, but I fear Hogwarts is about to find out that the toddler years are far, far worse. Perhaps, however, they will be a means of understanding for enemies Draco and Hermione...
1. Default Chapter

**Compatible Evil**

**Sleeping Dragons Die**

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership to Harry Potter and all associated characters, and I never will.

"Is he adorable as a baby?" Pomona Sprout leant across the coffee table conspiratorially, "I was so sure he was."

"Oh yes," Minerva McGonagall reassured her, sipping from a thin china cup of tea, "and she is as well, bless her; little brown curls all over her head and such big eyes."

"How darling," Pomona cooed, pouring herself a chunky mug of tea from the teapot.

The two women sat in silence for a moment, with soft smiles on their faces, reminiscing about their various nieces and nephews as small children.

"And," Minerva added in a low, proud voice, "both of them can talk. Already, I mean, just imagine."

"Well, well. But we always knew they were terribly clever, didn't we?"

"Indeed. And dear Hermione with top grades in all of her classes, bar one."

Minerva gave the brooding man clothed in black a filthy glare. Rolling his eyes in her direction, he continued nursing his cup of tea and brushing crumbs from his robes. Pomona followed her line of sight, and sighed loudly and disapprovingly. Severus Snape looked up and fixed them both with a menacing sneer. Pomona pursed her lips as Minerva topped up her tea, ignoring his immature attempts to rile them.

"He never was friendly nor fair, Minerva," soothed Pomona, "you can't really expect him to give Gryffindors fair marks."

"Well, I give all my Slytherins fair marks," she sniffed loudly.

"Don't talk such rubbish!" bellowed Snape suddenly, standing up explosively, "You always mark my children down!"

The two spinsters watched his quit the staffroom with scandalized looks. Even Pomona Sprout managed to look shocked, with her crooked hat and dirty face. Minerva McGonagall appeared to have sucked a lemon, but as she always wore that face when dealing with Slytherins, it was no surprise. She harboured no friendly feelings for the man who had tarnished the perfect reputation of her, admittedly, favourite Gryffindor.

"At least he cares for his Slytherins," Pomona said at last, breaking the shocked silence.

"Indeed, indeed," agreed Minerva, setting her cup down so hard it rattled in the saucer, "that at least is something."

"And the poor man's godson has just been transfigured to a toddler," Pomona continued, and Minerva's face darkened.

"I just don't understand how it happened. Two of my best pupils, to make a mistake like that…Well, I certainly wasn't expecting it."

"Aye, my dear," the tubby woman gossiped, "I am one hundred percent sure that Ronald Weasley had something to do with it."

"I do believe you're right. And with such clever brothers as well.

"Oh yes, why, even Fred and George were intelligent in their own ways, I suppose."

"Definitely, why, Pomona I am so glad I don't lead Slytherin house. How awful that would be. I mean, honestly dear, when was the last time Severus brought up any of his former pupils with any pride?"

…

"No, no, no, Miss Hermione does not want to be doing that!" Dobby frantically corrected, seizing the bottle of ink she was holding in her fist.

"Blooper," she said crossly, pouting.

"Oh dear, Winky does not know what is wrong with Master Draco, Dobby," Winky spared her cohort a worried glance as she twiddled her ears in panic.

Master Draco Malfoy was sitting on the comfortable red carpet, thumping his chubby little hand against the floor imperiously. Thick blonde hair was standing up in every direction from his pale head, and wide blue eyes glared at the small houself.

"Here, Winky, you take Miss Hermione, and Dobby will take the gracious Master Draco."

Winky nodded, and patted Draco on the head with her spindly fingers. He let out a small cry of indignation and batted her away. As both houseleves watched him, waiting for the inevitably temper tantrum that was coming, a delighted gurgle sounded behind them. Hermione was sitting on the floor a few feet away, her delightful red mouth covered in dark blue ink which was dripping down her chin.

"Oh no!" wailed Winky, hurrying over, "Miss Hermione shouldn't have done that, oh no, she shouldn't! Poor, poor Miss Hermione."

"Ha-ha!" said Master Malfoy rather distinctly, and then giggled happily.

"Hewmione dwank da ink," Hermione proclaimed proudly.

"Oh no, Master Draco, this is not funny, no, not at all," Dobby said frantically while Master Draco rolled around on the floor in hysterics.

"Is! Is!" he insisted loudly.

"Is Miss Hermione hungry?" Winky asked, on the verge of despair.

"Hey Dobby, Winky," a voice greeted, and two boys stuck their heads around the nursery door, "how's it going? Is Hermione alright?"

"Hawwy! Won!" called out Miss Hermione delightedly, and waved her rattle at them in excitement.

"Hey Hermione," Ron greeted, coming into the room and picking her up awkwardly, "you have no idea how badly I am going to fail transfiguration. I don't suppose you can still help?"

"Blooper!" she screamed, and hit his savagely over the head with the green and yellow rattle she was clenching in her right hand, "Blooper know 'bout test thwee weeks ago!"

"Yeah, I shouldn't have asked. She's less accommodating as a baby," Ron groaned, and passed her to Harry.

"Blooper," she said one last time, and blew a loud raspberry at him.

"Gross," Harry exclaimed morosely, "have you been drinking ink? My shirt's ruined."

Master Draco chortled loudly, and carried on blowing bubbles from the safety of Dobby's thin arms. The houself, who had cared for him once as a child already, brushed his hair with a soft brush. Winky stood and watched rather helplessly. Harry and Ron pulled disgusted faces at Malfoy, and dropped Hermione gently on the floor again.

"Well, have to be off, so nice to see you," Harry shouted as they vanished.

"Bloopers! Bloopers!" Miss Hermione shouted loudly, and slammed her fist against the floor.

"Ha," Master Draco said, wobbling on unsteady legs over to where she sat next to the door, "bloopers."

Hermione gave one final, tear filled glance at the shut door, and began to wail loudly. Tears streamed down her face, mixing unattractively with phlegm. They dripped off her dimpled chin and down her blue pinafore, puddling on the carpet. Draco surveyed her for a moment, and then sat down resolutely next to her. His little podgy arms held out his teddy bear, which he clasped in both hands. He was studiously studying the window when she grasped it, and began to cuddle it.

"Bloopers," she moaned softly, and kissed the bear clumsily on the nose.

"Don' cry," Draco said, regarding her with bright eyes, "not as funny w'en you cry."

Hermione gave him a tremulous, tear filled smile, and waved a teddy bear paw at him. He gazed at her for a second, slightly stupefied, and then burst out into joyous, hiccupping laughter. Soon, she joined with him, and even Winky stopped ironing her fingers long enough to smile indulgently at the pair of them.

Such jolly children, Miss Hermione and Master Draco were - the elf thought to herself - such little angels the Miss and Master were.


	2. A Baby Breakfast

**Compatible Evil**

Chapter One: A Baby Breakfast

_Previous Disclaimer applies throughout fanfiction _

The students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry piled sleepily into the Great Hall for breakfast, hiding yawns with their hands. Ties hung crookedly, cardigans were buttoned wrongly, and knee length white socks hung around ankles for the seventh years, who had cumulatively finished their NEWT level exams yesterday. Parvati Patil was being guided by Lavender Brown as she swayed along the Gryffindor table, half asleep, her companion not much better off. First years mingled among them, carrying ridiculously large bags and chattering eagerly about Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"Lucky things," moaned Harry Potter, "they don't have exam results to wait for."

"Did you have to say that, Harry, I was trying to forget them," his best friend exclaimed, sitting down heavily on the bench, "where's Hermione?"

"Probably still in bed," Harry replied, pulling a plate of porridge towards him.

"No-o-o," yawned Parvati, "she didn't come back to our dormitory last ni-i-i-ght."

"What?" Ron questioned groggily, "Why not?"

"Maybe she went out for a walk?" Neville piped up, spearing a segment of sausage.

"What?" Harry was concerned now, "That's even worse."

"Even worse than what, mate?"

"Even worse than," he leant closely to Ron and whispered, "if she was with a boy."

"With a boy?" Parvati looked at them with interest over a bowl of cereal, "Hermione?"

"She could have been, I suppose," Seamus said doubtfully, "but that isn't really Hermione's style is it?"

"Good morning!" Dumbeldore boomed out cheerfully, and the hall looked up, "I have some rather interesting news for you this morning! First off, well done to out seventh years, who finished their NEWTs yesterday. I am sure you have all done exceedingly well," he twinkled merrily, "and will achieve the results you deserve."

"I hate it when people say that," groaned Ron.

"I am sure many of you have noticed the absence of out beloved head students. I want to reassure you that both Miss Granger and Mister Malfoy are in excellent health, but have suffered from a small transfiguration accident as a result of magical build up from the NEWT."

Whispers ran down the hall, and even Slytherin looked slightly more interested. Blaise Zabini had put down his spoon, and was gazing at Dumbeldore, dark brown eyes flickering along the table. Harry and Ron glanced at each other, and stood up, pushing the bench away, and sending Neville dropping to the floor with a yelp of surprise.

"Oh, sorry Neville," Harry apologised, and turned to Dumbeldore, "Professor, what kind of accident?"

"Well," Dumbeldore looked a little embarrassed, "suffice to say they are no longer teenagers."

Gossip and talk echoed wildly around the room, every house knitting their heads together to try and work out what had happened to Hermione and Draco. A third year Hufflepuff with a shrill voice was lamenting that they had become plants, or animals, or furniture. Almost immediately, the Ravenclaws latched onto the ideas, and began patting their benches and plates.

"Students, students!" bellowed Dumbeldore. "Really, some restraint please. Miss Granger and Mister Malfoy are not inanimate!"

There was a sudden, shrill bellow from the Head table, and a small giggle. Silence descended on the hall until a Slytherin first year suddenly screamed out;

"They've had children! They've had sex!"

"NO!" Snape suddenly stood up, lank hair brushed furiously out of his face, "They ARE children you idiots!"

"Thank you, Severus," Dumbeldore said, sinking to his chair as the ceiling in the Great Hall threatened to burst with the level of noise.

"The fools thought they had copulated!" Snape snapped irately, turning to his baby godson, "I can't bare to think about it. It's perfectly disgusting, and I shan't have it repeated. Draco would never…"

However, it was also generally assumed that Draco Malfoy would never upend a bowl of porridge over his own head, and as he was sitting with it dripping down his head, that was safely disproved. Next to McGonagall, Hermione was giggling helplessly, waving a segment of apple around. Minerva, desperately trying to catch the chubby hand, was providing the hiccupping laughter coming from Draco as she cursed out loud.

"Now, now, Minerva, no cursing in front of the children," grinned Snape dryly, "this is how it's done."

He loaded up a green dragon shaped spoon with scrambled eggs and opened his mouth a little in concentration. Draco stopped fidgeting and his only movement was to wipe the porridge away from his blonde eyebrows. Snape started wiggling the spoon around, and making vague movement noises.

"Look at the broom," he cooed, bringing the spoon closer to Draco's mouth.

The child was now gazing at the spoon with absolute terror in his big blue eyes, and his mouth had scrunched tightly shut. Snape made a vague noise of encouragement, and brought the dragon spoon ever closer.

"Bad!" Hermione shouted loudly, but Minerva shushed her with a piece of apple in her mouth, swiftly.

Severus had almost reached Draco's mouth when he was hit, remarkably accurately, in the eye with a piece of saliva covered apple. Rearing back from the surprise and pain of it, he dropped the spoon into his lap, and clawed at his face. The apple dropped from his cheek, and landed in a puddle of drool on the floor. Snape cursed loudly, feeling the damp on his eyelid.

"Bad," Hermione said in triumph.

Draco was beating his fists against the edge of his high chair in delight, chortling loudly as Severus staggered from the room, nursing his face in disgust.

"Miss Granger!" Minerva scolded fiercely, turning in some amusement to the toddler sitting beside her.

"Bad man," the little girl explained, wiping her dribble filled hand down her t-shirt, "bad man leave blooper alone. He scawes Bloopers."

Pansy Parkinson, with her chubby, squashed face, approached the Head table cautiously. The skirt which sat at mid-thigh was twirled anxiously between her fingers as she regarded Draco with an apprehensive face.

"Please, Professor McGonagall," she said, trying the sweet and innocent look, "could I borrow Draco?"

"Mister Malfoy, whatever for?" Minerva frowned, trying to get Hermione to eat a spoonful of banana puree.

Pansy hesitated, the glamour on her nose twitching about edgily as she furrowed her brow in concentration. Finally her forehead cleared, just as Hermione accepted the spoonful of mush with a greedily calculating look in her brown eyes. Minerva turned her attention to Pansy again, fixing the girl with an intimidating glare.

"It's just that, well, the quidditch team need his help."

"Miss Parkinson, he is eleven months of age. He cannot ride a broom, he can't even feed himself."

"They're completely lost without him!" she wailed loudly, "And it isn't as if Professor Snape is here to look after him."

"No, Miss Parkinson."

"Can I give him a cuddle then?" Pansy pouted unbecomingly as Draco whirled his spoon around his head.

"Fine, fine. No, Miss Granger, we eat with our mouths, not with our ears."

Hermione regarded the new spoon of banana with boredom and irritation written across her chubby cheeked face. Grumpily, Minerva waved the spoon around to entice her to eat it. Pansy Parkinson wandered around the Head table and plucked Draco out of his high chair.

"Awww, ooo's a wickle baby-waby?" she cooed happily.

Draco regarded her thoroughly, and then reached out a pale hand to grasp her blonde hair. Tugging it hard, he gave her a very surprised look as she squealed, and tugged it harder.

"Ow! Draco, get off my hair! Get off!" the child continued to pull it, chortling slightly.

Pansy was beginning to feel tears forming in her eyes when Draco finally let go, still laughing uproariously. So taken up with her hair was she, that she reached up with both hands to check the extension was still in place and intact. Draco dropped like a bag of potatoes, and hit the floor with a loud smack. Pansy shrieked loudly, but it was covered up in his monstrous wail of hurt and annoyance.

"Good grief Miss Parkinson!" bellowed Minerva, and pawned Hermione off to her, "Here, hold Miss Granger while I sort Mr Malfoy out!"

Pansy accepted the other child. The two girls sized each other up coldly; brown eyes sweeping up and down Pansy, and blue eyes studying Hermione's face and overalls.

"Awww, those are sooo cute," Pansy gushed at last, holding Hermione at arms length while she admired the yellow, sprigged dungarees and the white t-shirt, "absolutely adorable."

Hermione gave her a little look, and a positively evil look came into her eyes as she surveyed the low cut, glittery, white blouse which Pansy sported as an adjustment to her uniform. With little or no warning, she let out an innocent burp…

"Eugh, Granger, that's totally gross. _Aaaaaaaaaaaah_!"

Minerva McGonagall turned around fast enough at the sound of Pansy's scream to see the girl race through the hall, with baby vomit leaking through her blouse and dripping onto the floor behind her. Hermione was sitting on the Head table in a bowl of fruit, smirking.

…

Thank you to **dontask00**, **prin69**, **sunflower18**, **foxeran**, **Miranda**, and **CherryPieKitten** for their kind reviews.

**Foxeran** raised an issue about Draco's eyes, which are currently blue, and ought to be grey. My little brother's (I say little, but he's at least two inches taller than me now) eyes were blue until he was eight or nine, and then turned green bizarrely. I have decided that this is what happens to Draco, because he's so adorable with blue eyes. I'm glad you noticed! Full marks for paying attention, an O.


	3. Library Tantrums

**Compatible Evil**

Chapter Two: Library Tantrums

_Disclaimer as before_

"Now, please Miss Hermione, will Miss sit still while Winky dresses her?"

Winky was almost crying. Her dark green ears drooped lower and lower around her pointed face, and she twisted the Hogwarts tea towel around in her spindly fingers desperately. Her other hand held a yellow t-shirt with a unicorn prancing across the chest area, already crumpled and rumpled from the fight. Hermione Granger, on the other hand, was sulky. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she wriggled around in a pair of yellow cotton socks and a nappy². In one hand was clasped a red lollipop, the other was clenched into a fist beating the shag pile rug.

"No!" she bawled unhappily.

"Please Miss Hermione, just let Winky dress Miss!"

Draco Malfoy was sitting next to her on the carpet, dressed in a pair of brown dungarees and a green t-shirt, quite happily playing with his teddy bear. The bear was missing an eye and an ear, and was obviously much loved; currently Draco was so overcome with affection that the left paw was in his mouth and he was chewing voraciously. The bear kept squeaking and wiggling around so that Draco had to almost sit on it to nibble effectively, and his little face was screwed up with concentration.

"Master Draco is behaving for Winky," the houself tried, "look at good Mister Malfoy."

Hermione spared no look for the other toddler, only slammed her lollipop onto the rug. She tugged at it vigorously, but only succeeded in getting it more tangled and more stuck to the rug. She began to scream in earnest, throwing her whole body onto the floor and beating it with all appendages.

"Oh no Miss Hermione!" cried Winky, and a large tear rolled down her cheek, "Please Miss Hermione!"

"What's going on?"

Blaise Zabini was a tall, athletic boy. His hair was brown and curly, spiralling out from his head in wild abandon. It partially covered a pair of brilliantly blue eyes and a snub nose, set above a wide mouth that smiled frequently. He had free periods on a Thursday morning, and had so volunteered to look after the toddlers, as magical studies had proved that houselves were incapable of taking proper, simulative care of small witches and wizards. Draco stopped his chewing, and looked up.  
"Blaise!" he cried happily, allowing the bear to roll away to a corner, nursing its paw.

"Hey, little man," Blaise knelt down next to his friend and took his hand in a comical handshake, "how's it going?"

"Teddy?" Draco asked hopefully, "Playtime?"

"Yeah, playtime. Why is Granger screaming?"

Winky had vanished, leaving the t-shirt and jeans behind, neatly folded on the rug. Hermione carried on screaming, flailing her little fists about in distress.

"Hey, you're not even dressed yet," Blaise observed, and Draco watched with interest, "come on Granger, let's get you dressed."

Hermione raised her tear stained face to him, and screamed loudly.

"Whoa," was Blaise's response as he picked up the jeans, "you scream loudly. Tell you what, if you get dressed, we can go to the library."

Hermione gave him a very suspicious look, but stopped her tantrum and sat up. Blaise opened the t-shirt widely and grinned at her through the hole in the neck.

"Hey Granger, didn't think you'd want to wear clothes like these. Shouldn't it be a book and not a unicorn?"

The toddler gave a cry of rage, and tunnelled forward towards the Slytherin. He laughed as she ripped her head through the neck hole, and took her arms in his hands and directed them through the arm holes. Hermione, who didn't seem to be aware that she had the t-shirt on, kicked and bit at his arms while he held her at arms length.

"Right, and now for some trousers," Blaise grinned triumphantly as Draco cheered him.

Hermione looked at him with a pout in her eyes, pushing her lower lip out a little. With the dried tear tracks on her face she looked pathetic, and Blaise felt a small stab of guilt.

"Don't look at me like that," he commanded, wrestling her into the jeans, "I don't think you really want Weasley to see you in nothing but a nappy."

"Bad!" Hermione proclaimed, but allowed him to slot her legs into the appropriate places, "book?"

"Yeah, some books," Blaise sighed, taking Draco's hand and dragging the teddy bear from its corner, "you want anything else?"

"Breakfast?" Draco said hopefully.

"Oh no you don't, you've had breakfast already. You spat it on Snape remember?"

"Ha ha!" proclaimed Hermione, pulling herself upright, "Bad man."

"Yeah, sure. And then you threw up on Pansy, remember?"

"Ya ya," Draco replied, grinning, "yucky."

"It was yucky for Pansy, certainly," Blaise agreed, shutting the door behind them, "I have never seen her run so fast."

"Fast," Draco repeated, dragging his bear along by the leg, "yucky Pansy."

"Right, you better hope she doesn't hear that. She'd kiss you to death."

Draco made a disgusted face as they went down the stairs, teddy bumping along behind him. Hermione was making faces on the other side of Blaise, clinging tightly to his hand as she peered through the banisters.

"High," she remarked unhappily, "not good."

"You scared of heights Granger?" Blaise grinned, and she shook her head furiously, "we're almost at the library."

"Outside," Draco bossed, pointing at a window, "Draco wants to fly."

"You'd fall off the broom, midget."

Draco gave him a foul look as they enter the library. Instantly, Hermione dropped Blaise's hand and dropped to her knees. She crawled straight across the entrance to the front desk, and let out a loud cry to alert the witch sitting there to her presence.

"Miss Granger," Madame Prince dropped her novel and peered over the edge of the desk, "how lovely. Aren't you just adorable? And what can I do for you?"

"Blooper?" Hermione said hopefully, "Bloopers come here?"

"Blooper? Well, I'm not sure what you mean, but we do have a nice new book about Wloopers. Would you like that?"

"Please," Hermione said, reaching her arms up.

Blaise rolled his eyes and picked Draco up like a sack of small potatoes. The child fidgeted around in his arms and reached for the floor, stiffening his body awkwardly.

"Oh no, you don't," Blaise whispered, putting the child down next to a desk on which his homework was spread out, "you're staying right here."

"No!" Draco said defiantly, and tried to totter off.

"_Bindus_," Blaise said lazily, and a pale blue rope snaked out and grabbed Draco by the ankle, attaching the other to the table leg.

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaah_!" bellowed Draco in rage, tugging at the rope desperately.

Madame Prince turned to them and shushed them angrily, looking as if she had swallowed a lemon. Hermione was sitting on the floor at her feet, happily turning over the pages of a huge encyclopaedia complete with colour illustration. She was pawing them happily, Madame Prince oblivious. Blaise turned back to his arithmancy equations with a sigh; why did ∑µα equal 92.46? He snuck another glance at Hermione before Draco began biting his ankle furiously – she would probably know instantly. He wondered briefly if she had already done the homework and if he could persuade her to give it to him.

"No!" an anguished yelp broke him away from his work, and he turned in his seat quickly, shaking Draco off.

Madame Prince was standing bent double over the book, tugging at Hermione's little waist in an effort to get her to leave the book alone. It was covered with spit and dribble, and even a bit of phlegm, and there was a page being chewed up in her mouth. She was squealing like a stuck pig, reaching out desperately for the book.

"Granger, I don't know what you're doing, but that is a book! I have never seen you behave in such a manner! What has got into you? Leave it alone! Alone! Leave that book alone!"

Blaise, slowly turning red in mortification, heard the strange gasping noise and looked down to see Draco laughing uproariously. He was tugging the rope for support, looking as if he would fall over at any moment; the laughter was convulsing his body so.

"Wow, I've never seen you laugh so much," Blaise mused.

"ZABINI!" Madame Prince was looming over him, looking as if she would breathe fire at any moment, "Get this BABY out of MY library! You're banned! All three of you!"

Blaise swept all of his work into his leather satchel and bolted upright as Hermione – crying loudly – was thrust into his arms. He seized Draco around the middle with his other arm, hitting the child with a textbook accidentally, and fled the library. Madame Prince chased them to the doors, cradling the injured book in her arms with tears in her eyes.

"Hey Zabini," a voice greeted curiously, and he realised that his free periods were over and break time had started, "what happened?"

Ginny Weasley stood in the doorway of her empty charms classroom, regarding the Slytherin curiously. He looked like her had electrocuted, hair in every direction and panting loudly. Under each arm was a toddler and Draco was sporting a large blooming bruise on his cheek, while Hermione was wailing loudly and grumpily. His bag had come loose and a trail of papers led up the hallway to where he now stood.

"Weasley," he breathed almost reverently, and stuffed the children into her arms, "you can look after them, right? Take them to lessons or something? Please? I haven't done my homework, and I've been banned from the library because of _her_."

He pointed at Hermione, who was busy playing contentedly with Draco's hair, tears drying on her skin.

"Zabini, what happened to Malfoy?"

"He got hit with a book! Please!"

"Okay, okay," she responded, "Ooo's a wuvely wickle baby-waby?"

As she looked up from her cooing over the adorable toddlers, she caught sight of Zabini skidding around a corner with his arms full of parchment and his robes flapping out behind him.

"Awww," she told the captivated children, "Never mind, oo can come wiv aunty Ginny to Herbology, to play wiv some planty-wanties, won't dat be fun?"

Hermione gave her an angelic smile as she hugged them both close to her. Draco Malfoy, alternatively, gave a glare filled with so much loathing and mischief that she swallowed in sudden, unexplainable nervousness. But really, how much trouble could they be, and Professor Sprout loved Hermione and children generally. She set off for her lesson.

…

²nappy / diaper

Thanks to **prin69** -Draco's too old for his eyes still to be birth blue, though I thank you for coming up with an excuse for me!; **Dynastydragons02** – I thought Hermione would take this time to revenge herself on as many Slytherins as possible; **CherryPieKitten** – they'll have to stop being babies soon, or we'll have no lemons for tea; **Miranda** – you ought to feel sorry for the babysitters, we have a hard life you know (watching cable television and eating biscuits is tricky); **Merciful Sky** – 'freakin' adorable'? Thanks, I think (!); and **foxeran** – and he's about to become a very, very naughty kitten. Peeing on beds is nothing compared to what he's about to do…


	4. Greenhouse Frolics

**Compatible Evil**

**Chapter Three: Greenhouse Frolics**

****

Thomas Greer glanced around from his mature rhymus as his herbology partner Ginny Weasley strolled into greenhouse six.

"Morning," the Hufflepuff greeted cheerfully, pushing his scraggly blonde hair off his forehead and leaving a trail of smudged manure up his cheek.

"Afternoon," Ginny replied.

"The rhymus – I think it's almost ready to start rhyming!" the boy exclaimed happily, pruning a yellowing leaf off the curly plant.

"Great! Dwaco and Hermy can see da wickle planty-wanty speak funny fings!"

Thomas started in surprise, and turned around hurridly. The rhymus stretched a leaf up to his fingers, but he was so busy staring at Ginny in horror that he barely noticed.

"You can't bring them in here!"

"What?" Ginny shrugged at his scandalous tone, "They'll be really, really good, won't oo ickle babies?"

Hermione, who was watching Ginny's hair in amazement, waved a chubby arm in acknowledgement from her position on the dirt floor. There was a dark ring of soil on her pale yellow dungarees already, fresh on because of the accident with yoghurt that Ginny had found hilarious earlier at break. Draco regarded the two sixth years curiously as Thomas stared aghast at him. His pale blonde hair was thickly plastered to his head, and wide blue eyes held a hint of command in them already, but as he blinked, the expression was exchanged for angelic.

"They'll eat something!" Thomas objected again, "You know these plants are poisonous!"

"Not all of them," countered Ginny, unpacking a stretched giraffe toy and giving it to Draco, who waved it happily at her, "besides, all they want to do is play."

"Draco Malfoy," Thomas said quietly into her ear, his voice low with urgency, "stole my lunch in second year. On the Hogwarts Express; my mum had made it especially."

Ginny, instead of giving him the sympathetic look he had been anticipating, giggled a little and straightened up from the floor. As Thomas gave her a filthy scowl, she laughed more and pulled on her dragonhide gloves.

"Well, he's absolutely stuffed with strawberry yoghurt and banana this morning, so he won't steal your lunch."

Thomas rolled his eyes as Ginny completely missed the point, and turned back to the rhymus. Picking up his quill, he began to add to his notes in a cramped, swirled handwriting that was almost impossible to decipher. Ginny turned to the shelf behind her, and dragged out the plant she was studying. It was a huge, two tonne Venus flytrap, a muggle plant she had chosen to compare to the much smaller, more aggressive wizarding variety. It snapped at her fingers as she plucked it off the shelf above Draco's head, knocking the spyder plant further towards the edge of the bench.

After a few minutes, the two sixth years were engrossed in their work. Hermione played happily with the giraffe, banging it against the floor again and again until it began to bleat softly through its enchanted mouth. Draco crawled over to the bench, and pulled himself upright as if he had forgotten how to walk and was learning again and again.

"What you doing?" Hermione asked, stopping the beating of the giraffe.

"Ssssssh," Draco said clumsily, pressing his fist against his little mouth.

Hermione put the stuffed animal down on the floor where it waddled away unsteadily to a corner, and watched the blonde boy with considerable interest. He crept forward until the Venus fly trap was directly in front of him, crawled inside the giant trap, and began to scream and cry in a very fake manner.

Ginny Weasley span around so quickly that she dropped the magical fly trap onto the floor. Thomas Greer jumped forward and lopped off half of his precious rhymus. As he gave a strangled shout, Ginny screamed and leapt towards the small child. Draco kicked his legs in hysterics as Ginny hauled him out, giggling frantically.

"Malfoy!" she yelped, checking all his limbs were attached while he had what she assumed was a fear driven shake, "Oh poor baby! Stay away from the nasty plants!"

"My rhymus!" bellowed Thomas, gazing mournfully at the short plant, "You evil Slytherin!"

"Thomas!" Ginny was horrified as she patted and cuddled the terrified child, "He's just been attacked by a muggle plant, don't blame him!"

"He did it on purpose!"

"Oh don't be so silly!" Ginny now had her head inside the muggle plant and was examining it, "Now, could you please hand Malfoy his giraffe?"

Thomas kicked the enchanted animal across the floor grumpily, and Draco caught it easily and clapped his hands in glee. Hermione laughed merrily. As the two sixth years settled down to work again, Draco once again began to look around the room in curiosity. A purple spotted plant waved at him temptingly, and he inched his way towards it. Thomas turned around suddenly and glared at him as he froze, but as soon as the Hufflepuff had returned to his plant, Draco inched closer and closer.

"Ginny, could you pass me the – ooooomph!"

Thomas flew backwards, his legs knocked from under him. Landing in the dirt on his rear end, he bellowed in pain as his tail bone bruised instantly. Ginny turned around with a horrified look on her pretty face to see him nursing his left ankle.

"What on earth?" she questioned, spotting Hermione and Draco under Thomas' bench, laughing, "What did you do?"

"Weeee!" bellowed the tiny Hermione, waving a fraction of purple leaf around over her head.

"Ooops," Ginny said guiltily, catching their fists and taking the leaves away from them, "No, dat wasn't a very good idea, because some planty-wanties aren't vewy nice, and babies might bet hurt."

"What happened?" Thomas asked in a muddled voice.

"They ate some of the _fastus_ and hit you in the back of your legs," Ginny shrugged, "never mind."

Ginny fussed around Thomas, and the Hufflepuff began to think idly that perhaps the children weren't so bad, because Ginny was soothing his hair down as if he was an injured soldier. These pleasant thoughts went on until Draco managed to drop a plant pot on his head, chuckling.

"Ow! You bastard!"

"Language Thomas!" Ginny scolded, taking the second flower pot from Draco, and patting him on the head, "Why don't you two go and play with your toy again?"

The giraffe, which was now lame in all four legs and missing stuffing, let out an audible groan and slumped in the corner.

"Kay," Hermione said, amicable enough, but Draco just scowled.

Thomas scowled straight back at him as he struggled to his feet. Draco Malfoy, whether an adorably sweet baby or not, was still pure evil, and he, Thomas Greer, was not going to be taken in. Ginny rolled her blue eyes as he glared at the baby, and turned back to the wizarding fly trap, which was floating after her fingers as if the digits were flies. The two sixth years turned once again to their work, worried about coursework and deadlines presented daily.

Draco Malfoy was not satisfied with the morning so far, and furthermore he was beginning to get hungry again. Hermione was playing with the giraffe, trying to stuff the stuffed animal into the plant pot that had been confiscated from Draco, a look of intense concentration on her tiny, chubby face. Her brown bobble curls were covered in dirt and bits of plants, and she wouldn't even look at him, let lone play with him. He looked around for some diversion, and spotted the bench behind them.

Crawling forward stealthily, he pulled himself up the leg and took a firm grasp on the edge of the bench, heaving himself up via the neatly regulated shelves that served as a staircase for his dimpled legs. Hermione was watching him with curiosity by the time he was sitting on the dirty, pock marked table top. A glimmer of water caught his blue eyes, and he dragged himself towards it. After splashing his fists in it, he realised that Thomas Greer was humming as he enjoyed the lull in activity.

Seizing a plant with long, spiked leaves in an earth ware plant pot, he dropped it over the edge of the table.

"Shit!" bellowed Thomas as he span around, and Ginny screamed and seized Hermione from the floor.

The plant, a _Spyder_ that a Ravenclaw was studying, had sprouted seventeen legs. Each of the pale green legs was connected to the root system, which trailed behind it as the white feet dashed frantically across the floor. It swerved, apparently unaware of what to do, but as it sensed Ginny and Thomas, it charged. Four eyes on long, leafy stalks fixed their sights on the sixth years, and Ginny screamed loudly.

"Thomas! Get Draco!" she shouted, holding onto Hermione tightly as the plant stopped briefly to ravage the giraffe, now definitely dead.

Thomas glanced at the baby on the work surface, chortling and clapping its little hands, and leapt across the _Spyder_. As the plant hesitated, confused, he seized Draco by the back of his overalls, and leapt back towards Ginny. The Spyder ran at full speed towards the re-united sixth years.

"RUN!" bellowed Thomas, hooked Draco more firmly around the waist and took Ginny's wrist.

The Hufflepuff and Gryffindor ran for it, leaping over plant pots and vines as they dashed through the door. Ginny slammed the door shut behind them, and they stood panting and listening to the _Spyder_ chomping behind the wood. Suddenly, Draco let out a peal of laughter.

"Again!" he shouted merrily, "Again!"

As Thomas prepared to drop him into a tub of dragon manure fertiliser, Ginny laid her hand on his arm. Hermione, sitting on her hip, was grinning charmingly, and Ginny, so flushed and disarrayed, tugged at his heart.

"Let's tell Madame Sprout," she said simply, and they left the greenhouse to find their Professor.

"Hello!" a booming voice rang out, and Professor Sprout hurried around the corner, "Ginny and Thomas! How are your projects?"

"My Rhymus is dead," Thomas said wearily, "Ginny's Venus fly trap may need counselling, and we need some lunch."

Draco perked up at lunch, and waved his chubby hands. Sprout looked rather flabbergasted, but allowed them to pass her and go up to the castle. As they moved up the path in companionable silence Professor Snape appeared. Spotting them, he swerved away from the path he had been stalking down and stopped them.

"How is my godson?" he asked imperially.

"Fine sir," Ginny answered boldly, and Snape nodded, "actually, he was asking for you earlier."

Draco, Snape and Thomas gave her odd looks, but Hermione just giggled. Ginny continued her bare faced lie easily.

"Poor tyke," she patted his head, "in tears at not seeing you this afternoon. We had to fib and tell him you had classes."

"Oh," Snape looked flummoxed, and glanced at the hungrily yowling baby, "oh well."

"I thought his heart would break."

"Well, I am free this afternoon. Perhaps I could take Draco," he sounded doubtful.

"Oh, I'm not sure Dumbeldore would approve," Ginny said reluctantly, "I mean, he doesn't want them in any danger."

"Danger?" Snape was turning red, "Miss Weasley, give me my godson. He will be coming with me this afternoon."

"But sir, won't that be awfully bad for him? I mean with the fumes?"

"Nonsense, I am not incompetent, Miss Weasley. We will go for a picnic, and then to the park which I happen to know he enjoys. He will be perfectly safe."

"Oh well, if you're sure?"

Snape had barely opened his mouth when Thomas handed him Draco rather roughly. He held the baby with one arm awkwardly, and looked his godson in the eye.

"Unfortunately, sir," Ginny said as Thomas prepared to run, "they can't be split up!"

Hermione was in Snape's other arm before he really knew what had happened. She began to cry immediately, and Draco joined the wail as Ginny and Thomas ran at full speed up to the school. Thomas was holding Ginny's hand as he half pulled her along, and she was laughing. Snape glared at the crying children, realising this was not one of his better ideas.

"Silence," he commanded, but they carried on regardless, "Miss Granger, you will desist!"

"Dunderhead!" Hermione choked out through her tears, thumping his chest with her fists.

"Please stop crying," Snape pleaded as a third year Slytherin looked at him askance, "please!"

They stopped suddenly in unison. Then;

"Food! Park! Swing!" their demands assailed his ears, and he cringed.

…

_Thanks to Dynastydragons02, Prin69, foxeran, Jennifer Carter, sunflower18, Lrnd (multiple thanks!), SmearedBlackInk, Merciful Sky, and Zoey for their reviews._

_Sorry it's been so long!_


	5. Spoontastic

**Compatible Evil**

**Chapter Five: Spoontastic**

"Draco, eat properly."

Draco Malfoy looked up at his godfather incredulously, bread half chewed inside his mouth on display. Snape rolled his eyes impatiently, and forced the little chin up with a long finger.

"Don't want to!" the small boy protested, opening his mouth widely again.

He was sitting on a yellow cushion on the Hogwarts' Lake beach, leaning against a large rock. In one hand he was holding a piece of bread and butter, in the other was a spoon dripping with jam that he was waving above his head. Strawberries had already dripped down his shoulders and through his blonde hair, and his chubby hands were sticky and covered in the damp sand they were sitting on.

"Put that spoon down," Severus Snape sighed, "you are covering yourself in jam."

"No!"

"It is most unbecoming for a Malfoy to be covered in fruit and sugar."

Draco made a face, and whirled the spoon faster.

"Put the spoon down!"

"No!"

"Now!"

"No!"

"Stop being an idiot Draco Malfoy! Do you want detention?"

"No!"

"Was that no to the detention, or no to the spoon?"

"Both," the boy said stubbornly, "Uncle Se'w'us, don't give Draco detention."

"Then put the spoon down. And stop calling me Uncle Severus – you haven't done that since you were eleven and started school."

"Draco's three," Hermione informed him.

Hermione Granger was sitting on a second yellow cushion on the other side of Severus, leaning across his folded legs to wave at her comrade. Her white spoon was digging enthusiastically into a pot of green jelly which was dripping onto her Professor's legs. Snape had tied her hair back into two awkward bunches to keep it out of the jam she had finished eating, which gave her the look of a small startled animal. Jelly dripped down her chin as she pointed out the little boy's age.

"I am aware of that, Miss Granger," Snape sighed, "now get out of my lap. It is most inappropriate."

Hermione gave him a very surprised look, and did not move. The jelly dripped down Snape's leg, inching towards his knees. Draco dropped the spoon into the sand.

"Whoops," he said innocently, and picked it up.

"Oh no!" Snape lunged for the spoon but Hermione's weight upset his calculations and Draco dropped the sandy spoon back into the jam pot before he could grasp the boy, "Stupid boy."

"Draco?" Draco asked, "Draco is stupid?"

"Yes. Draco is stupid," Hermione chimed, grinning broadly.

"Oh," Draco paused for a second, and seemed to mentally shrug, "can Draco have some jelly too?"

"Once you have eaten your bread, you may have some jelly," Snape said firmly.

Draco looked at the bread in his hand with the butter oozing from between his knuckles, and stuck his tongue out. Snape, tired of Hermione's warm little body on his knees and the jelly sitting on his sock, picked her up firmly under her armpits and sat her on the cushion again.

"No," Hermione instructed him, and lay back across his legs, "this is good."

"It is not, Miss Granger, it is not allowed. Students are not meant to touch their teachers inappropriately, you know that."

"Pah," Hermione replied, and as he picked her up again, she threw her spoon at him.

The spoon hit Severus on the nose, leaving green jelly in a delightful trail down his right cheek and onto his chin. The spoon itself dropped into his cloak while the little girl giggled.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor," Snape snapped.

"Not fair," Draco chimed immediately, his darkening blue eyes brightening suddenly, "you can't hold us responsible for things we do when we're children."

"Good grief," Snape turned to the boy, "have you got adult mentalities then?"

"Marshmallows?"

The man sighed and picked Hermione up once again, dropping her on the cushion next to Draco in a vain attempt to make her cuddle the blonde and not him. Hermione looked less than impressed, and dropped the half empty container of food onto Draco's head. Draco, absorbed in his own jelly, barely noticed.

"Sweeties?" she questioned the Professor.

"I am beginning to miss my first years," Snape muttered under his breath and he opened a packet of chocolate covered raisons and handed them to Hermione.

Hermione immediately emptied the packet out onto the damp sand, and began to sort the raisons according to size; big, medium and small. Draco looked up from his jelly with a calculating look in his eyes, and reached out a tiny hand to seize a huge raison. Without stopping her sorting, Hermione slapped his hand away impatiently, and he returned to his jelly with a pout on his face.

"Here, have these," Snape decided to head the argument off before it began, and gave his godson a packet of magical jelly babies.

The boy abandoned his jelly upside down in the sand and opened the packet. Even as he struggled to find a green jelly baby, they fled the packet on tiny jelly legs, squeaking gently.

"Ha!" Hermione shouted, dropping her packet of sweets and squashing a yellow baby into Snape's leg, "Dead!"

"Yes, very dead," Snape ground out, picking jelly off his knee as Hermione began to smash every jelly baby she could reach, "you certainly will be."

"Huh?" Hermione asked, looking up at him with wide brown eyes.

"_Professor! Professor_!"

Snape leapt to his feet, sending Hermione reeling backwards onto her cushion at the desperate shouts. On the other side of the lake four third years were backing away from Hagrid's hut, screaming. A blast-ended-skrewt was following them, breathing fire and propelling itself towards them. Fang was barking desperately at the creature, but it kept advancing on the two boys and the girl. Snape looked down at the children, perfectly satisfied with their snacks, and up at the students.

Drawing out his ivory wand he waved it and flicked. A small version of himself, about the same size of the children, dropped to his feet. It was built entirely of thick wool, even the sneer was knitted, and his eyebrows and hair had been purled most attractively. It got to stiff feet, attracting the attention of the children, whose eyes lit up.

"Stay here!" he snapped at them, and set off at a run around the lake.

Draco and Hermione reached for the woollen Snape eagerly. It took a step backwards and growled at them as they got to their feet rather awkwardly.

"Toy!" Draco chimed, and leapt for the enchanted Snape model.

It backed up hastily, but Hermione was waiting for it, and seized it around the chest in a classic tackle. They fell to the ground with Hermione on top of the little Snape, and Draco jumped on them enthusiastically, seizing its ears.

"Weeeee!" the boy shouted enthusiastically.

Hermione had got her teeth into the prominent nose, and was chewing desperately. With the children distracted, the jelly babies made a mass exodus for the relative safety of the lake and leapt into the tiny ripples. Snape was screaming hoarsely by now, with Hermione chewing his face and Draco tickling his feet mercilessly.

"What on earth? Severus, dear boy, have you shrunk?"

Professor Dumbeldore had stopped by the lake to see his favourite students and Professor. He studied the group earnestly and then laughed, glasses threatening to fall off his nose. Hermione and Draco stopped attacking their new toy, and looked up at the headmaster curiously.

"Well, well. Where has Professor Snape gone?"

"Gone walk," Draco supplied helpfully.

"Oh, well," Dumbeldore nodded serenely, "perhaps you two would like to come and play with Fawques for a while, eh?"

"Yes! Yes!" they clambered, getting to their feet.

Dumbeldore took Hermione's hand in his right hand and Draco in his left, while the boy dragged the toy Snape along in the mud behind them. He left the rubbish alone for the squid to eat as supper and the three of them began their walk up to the castle, chattering about toys and jelly babies. The students who were straggling up from their lessons gave them curious looks.

"My, my," Dumbeldore said at last, "I think you two are growing."

Although the two had originally made him bend over doubled to hold their hands, he was now walking upright, and his hand was being tugged upwards by Draco's, who suddenly dropped it. On the other side, Hermione dropped his other hand.

"Well, how nice to see you two back to normal."

Hermione peered round the Headmaster to see Draco Malfoy standing there with a dolly in his hand. His blonde hair, covered in strawberry jam, had grown so that it hung loosely around his lower shoulders, and he had broadened. Somehow their clothes had also grown, so they were both standing in matching dungarees. Draco was wearing a pale green t-shirt covered in mess, and there was a suspicious bulge in his pocket that was probably the bread he had hidden while Snape was pre-occupied with sorting Hermione out.

Draco too was staring at Hermione. Her brown hair had grown into loose curls and she looked utterly ridiculous with her dungarees and yellow shirt. Jelly was still dripping down her chin. The two seventh years gazed at each other, blinked and then gasped. Hermione fled first, tears streaming down her face, towards the school and the two friends who were so awkward around babies they had ignored her.

"I sat in his lap!" she was wailing.

Draco glanced at the Headmaster, and strolled towards the school as well, a blush staining his cheeks. He didn't notice that he was still clasping the Snape doll. He was ignoring all the students who were sniggering at him, pretending they were not in front of him, except when he glared at them. His hair was in his eyes from the wind, and jelly was dripping down his thigh. Granger had dropped it on his head! He growled and a first year bolted away in terror.

"How lovely," Dumbeldore mused happily, "our seventh years back again. Now, I wonder if Mr Zabini has finished his outstanding work yet, I really must check on him."

…

SmearedBlackInk – glad it makes you smile! It makes me smile as well!

Dynastydragons02 – well, I hope you manage to avoid any heart attacks with all this heart leaping. Thanks!

Foxerna – I like Draco being naughty, he's cute!

Sunflower 18 – I think you names may be longer than your reviews, thanks!

Prin 69 – thanks for your review!

Zoey – thanks for your review!

Merciful Sky – I'm going to have the RSPCA on me for my mistreatment of stuffed animals soon. The poor abused stuffed Snape as well…

DrAcO's Blackrose – well, they're back now, so the romance can begin.

Gyrlfrend – I would have called it messy rather than beautiful, but… thanks for your review!

URsoDOOrk3y – (loving your name) to answer your questions: Blaise still has work because he hasn't been working all year and now his teachers are exacting his revenge by making him catch up on the essays and things he has missed. Secondly, Harry and Ron are having a weird moment at breakfast – they're trying to cover up that Hermione is a baby, and they've also partially forgotten it. It will be more fully explained next chapter! Thanks for the heads up with prince!

Thank you for your reviews, please carry on!


	6. There and Back Again

**Compatible Evil**

**Chapter Six: There and Back Again**

"Miss Granger, pay attention!"

Hermione Granger looked up suddenly into the scowling face of Professor Snape, and froze with her hand poised above the medical cauldron.

"You were about to add the root-wort!"

"Yes sir?"

"You have not stirred the mandrake in properly!"

Hermione looked down at the large leaves that had been pulverised into the paste sitting in the mortar she was holding and then at the violet potion. Professor Snape rolled his eyes in irritation, and across the deserted classroom, Draco Malfoy sniggered.

"Sorry sir," Hermione replied absently, trying to ignore the blonde's laughter, "it won't happen again sir."

"It had better not!" Snape bellowed in her ear, enraged at her apathy, "Or I will not be signing this letter of recommendation for St Mungo's Hospital!"

Hermione made no reply only stirred the potion with a glass rod. Professor Snape retreated away from her desk slightly, eyes watching the three members of his extra classes.

"Everyone in this room will focus at all times, is that understood?" he asked silkily.

Hermione Granger nodded reverently in his direction as she added the root-wort slowly. Draco Malfoy, sitting across the aisle was already bottling his potion, and Blaise Zabini was adding her mandrake roots. Under Snape's close supervision Hermione bottled her potion and began to clear up her benches. Clutching the small glass vial she scurried up to the front desk behind Malfoy.

"May I go to lunch now, sir?" Malfoy asked their Professor, handing him the vial.

"Of course, of course. What is for lunch?"

Professor Snape often asked Malfoy what was for lunch, so as to avoid the short walk up to the great hall when nothing he liked was on the menu. His NEWT level class; Hermione, Draco and Blaise, were fully acquainted with his likes and dislikes and on occasion had been known to collaborate with Dumbeldore to get the recluse up to the hall for important announcements.

"Baked potatoes, sir," Malfoy began, glancing at Hermione out of the corner of his eye, "and jelly."

Professor Snape turned violet almost immediately, eyes flickering to Hermione swiftly. Hermione felt her cheeks burn an ugly shade of fuchsia and her ears burn at the memory of last Friday.

"My potion sir," she said smoothly, only the colour of her normally even face telling of her embarrassment, "finished and bottled."

"Good. Both of you go to lunch. Hurry up Zabini!"

They left the classroom in synchronicity, Hermione still pink. Malfoy's stride was lengthened once he left the relative safety of the potion's classroom, and Hermione had to trot to keep up with him.

"What did you go and say that for?" she yelled at him, voice echoing off the dungeon walls, "You arse!"

"Don't call me an arse, Granger; it was you who did the deed!"

"I was three years old!"

"Even at three years old I knew better than to crawl over my godfather's lap!"

"You didn't have to bring it up again!"

"It's amusing," he laughed as they neared the main entrance hall, "to see you and him go so red!"

"I'll see you bruised in a moment, Malfoy!"

Hermione leapt on the young man who was a few paces ahead of her, arms reaching round his neck in a strangle hold. He choked immediately, his upper body bending back under the unexpected weight, and then staggered upwards again so that he was almost giving her a piggy back because her legs were wrapped around his waist. Prying at her fingers, he clawed one from his throat as he tottered onto the main entrance hall, and realised his mistake as soon as she began twisting his ears ferociously.

"Get off Granger!" he yelped, drawing the attention of the seventh years returning from the lakeside after a quick swim, "You beast!"

"Me? I'm not the one who enjoys humiliating people!"

"You bitch!"

"You bastard!"

"I hate you!"

And then suddenly, without any flash of light or sound, without any trapping or announcement, they began to shrink. Draco screamed as he went down, and Hermione began to cry fruitlessly, which soon turned to wails of anguish. Before Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley could run across the entrance hall to catch Hermione, the pair of them had hit the floor rather painfully.

Sitting in the middle of a pair of giant uniforms sat two toddlers, both red in the face and screaming. They were pummelling each other angrily, Draco pulling the large tie around Hermione's neck against her supple skin, Hermione beating the little boy with her fists on the crown of his blonde head.

"What on earth is this racquet?"

Professor Snape swept out the dungeons and almost trod on Draco.

"Not again!" he yelped, and the seventh years scattered into the Great Hall, eager not to be singled out for baby sitting duty, "What did you two do?"

Seizing each child by the ruff of their necks, he swung them apart hurridly. They swayed under his arms dangerously, still trying to attack each other. Finally they gave up as he stalked into the Great Hall, but continued crying gibberish out at each other furiously.

"Silence!" Snape shouted suddenly, and they stopped, cowering under his arms, "Can't you two avoid each other?"

"His fault," Hermione supplied, tears streaming over her snotty nose, "he was mean to Hermione."

"I don't care," Snape retaliated, slamming them into a pair of seats at the Head Table as Dumbeldore watched in disapproval, "I detest you two like this. Dobby!"

Dobby appeared eagerly behind the table, ears visibly drooping at the sight of the two children scowling at each other.

"His honourable Master Draco is back then," he said sadly, "and the good Professor wishes Dobby to look after Master Draco and Miss Hermione?"

"Yes," Snape barked, and caught sight of the prawn cocktail on his plate, "disgusting. I am returning to my laboratory. Good afternoon" and he swept off out of the hall.

"Now Mr Malfoy," Headmaster Dumbeldore leant across the table, fixing his twinkling eyes on the little boy as Hermione grinned in anticipation, "I think your mother ought to be informed, don't you?"

Draco's face paled through the sticky mass of tears and phlegm, and he shook his head violently.

"Now, that's interesting," Dumbeldore surveyed the pair of them, "because I think your mother ought to know what a lot of unpleasant things are going on with the pair of you."

"Ha," was Hermione contribution as Dobby ladled prawns into her open mouth.

"Maybe she could look after the pair of you," Dumbeldore mused, and Hermione froze too, "she was remarking last week how awfully lonely she is now that Draco is back at school and Lucius in Azkaban."

Hermione and Draco looked at each other, still in their over sized uniforms, and let out a yell of disagreement. Dumbeldore looked at them very seriously over his spectacles, and they hushed hurridly. Dobby, sighing, fed Draco as Hermione absorbed the prawn cocktail she had been fed, washing it down with tiny bits of bread she was picking off a roll. Draco looked less than happy at the prospect of his mother seeing his as a three year old again.

"Mummy?" he asked through his lunch, "Please, no mummy."

"Then it is settled," Dumbeldore beamed jovially, "I shall owl Narcissa this instant."

Hermione and Draco stared after the headmaster in shock as he hopped from the podium and out of the Great Hall, turning left towards the owlery. Dobby shook his head in dismay.

"Master Draco had done it now," he advised, "Mistress Malfoy will not be happy to see Master Draco and Miss Hermione back as little babies. Dobby is not pleased as well."

"Your fault!" Hermione suddenly shouted defiantly, "your fault, stupid blooper!"

"Draco did not do naughty things!" Draco shouted back, "Draco was good!"

"Draco said about jelly!"

The little boy chuckled defiantly as Dobby mopped his mouth, and Hermione turned purple.

"I hope your mummy smacks you!" she bellowed.

"At least Draco has mummy!"

"Nasty mummy! Draco's mummy smells! Hermione's mummy was nice!" Hermione cried suddenly.

"Dobby is going now," Dobby said, dropping the napkin.

"I hate you!" Draco screamed, unsympathetic.

"I hate you more!"

"I hate you more!"

"I hate you more!

"I hate you round the world and back!"

"I hate you up to the moon!"

"I hate you even more!"

"I hate you more than you hate me!"

"Yes," Dobby said, ears dropping, "Dobby is going now-"

"More!"

"Me more!

"Me more!"

"Dobby is going to shut his ears in a door and then cook Dobby. Have a nice day Miss Hermione, Master Draco."

"I hate you more than you can hate me!"

"Dobby wants _wonderful_ Master Harry to have his socks."

"I hate you!" both children screamed at precisely the same time, and Dobby vanished.

…

**Thanks to:**

**Lrnd**;(2) Snape doll is going to pop up again soon, but the giraffe is definitely dead, poor thing.

**DracoHasAHOTBum**; I'm glad you think it's so funny, and I like your name!

**Foxeran**; I would not be so quick to think they're back to normal – something triggers them being babies, something that is going to happen less and less. However, they won't stay as babies as long.

**Merciful Sky**; I think that's my favourite line too.

**Dreamaker13**; no, it won't be finished for a while

**Merscilla**; Snape and Hermione are great – a Hogwarts' Laurel and Hardy!

**Zoey**; they'll keep changing for a while; from 'romance' to humour, although not too much romance this chapter!

**Sunflower18**; you're very good at guessing what I'm going to inflict on them. Thankyou for you wonderfully long review; I'm going to put up a sign on my author page that will say 'Owner of the Longest Review By Sunflower18 Ever'. It made my afternoon!

**Prin69**; the aftermath is getting very devastating – Dobby is committing suicide! And it will get worse… it's like a horror movie.

**DrAcO'sblackrose;** they're not going to 'fuck' in this story – I only have an M rating! Besides, they can't really go from being happy three year olds to copulating like rabbits, it needs to be more gradual, but there will be lots of squishy romance soon, don't worry!

**KitKat**; No it isn't over; you have to work that out before I tell you; **NO** the blast-ended skrewt will not be biting my beloved Snape in the bottom, but it will pop up again, have no fear!


	7. Decorating Narcissa

**Compatible Evil**

**Chapter Seven: Decorating Narcissa**

Narcissa Malfoy was not a woman whom anyone dared contradict. She could have said that Dumbeldore was a sex machine and no one would have dared argue; she could have dictated that Hufflepuffs had yellow blood and they would have nodded reverently, and if she had casually mentioned that electric pink and lime green were a good combination, half the wizarding world would have been wearing it the next day. Her husband, currently rotting away without a soul in Azkaban, had candidly admitted at his trial that the dementors would be a breeze because Narcissa wouldn't be there. Needless to say, he had been awarded the cell without a toilet.

She was a well-meaning, rather pleasant woman.

"Pinkie," she demanded officiously, "you will go and fetch Dobby for the day, and I will not take no for an answer."

Pinkie nodded her head with fervour and vanished from the velvet line carriage with a small pop. Narcissa sighed and leant back into the comfortable seat, snuggling back into her silk wrap. A small smile plied across her perfect pink lips and reached her eyes, as it was prone to do when Draco was the subject of the smile. It touched indulgently on the matching booster seats strapped in opposite her as the carriage rolled up to the doors of Hogwarts' School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the carriage door swung smoothly open.

"Finally," Narcissa sniffed, swinging out of the carriage delicately.

"Ah, Mrs Malfoy, how wonderful to see you again," Dumbeldore trundled down the steps and kissed her hand softly, "so glad you could come, so glad."

"And it's lovely to see you as well, headmaster Dumbeldore."

"It's very good of you to take Miss Granger and Draco out for the day, I'm afraid we're preparing for the leavers' ball and there is simply no one to take care of them."

"I'm sure we'll have a lovely time. Is my baby alright?"

"Draco is fine," Dumbeldore reassured her as they walked through the halls, "I believe he is currently enjoying playing with some magical blocks. Well, here we are."

Dumbeldore allowed the tall woman through the door first, catching a mouthful of expensive mink perfume swirling behind her. Draco Malfoy was sitting on the large rug in front of the empty fireplace opposite Hermione Granger, playing with his blocks. Hermione was ducking and squealing as they flew towards her, but Draco was chortling agreeably.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, stop that at once!" Narcissa said sharply.

Draco turned his pale face towards his mother and dropped the brick he was holding onto his lap instantly. Hermione too turned her little face towards the elegant, beautiful woman, shocked that she had commanded Draco so effectively.

"Hello darling," Narcissa bent down from her waist and cooed over her son, "You are an adorable, naughty boy."

"Mummy," Draco struggled from under the kisses showered on him, "mummy!"

"Ssssh darling," Narcissa patted his head and turned to Hermione, "well, you're very pretty, aren't you? I always wanted a daughter, but Lucius was never up to it."

In the disgusted hush, Draco pulled a face and pretended to gag.

"Lady Malfoy?" a little voice squeaked from the doorway, "Pinkie has found Dobby."

"Good," Narcissa snapped, "Now, Pinkie, you take Miss Hermione, the little poppet, and Dobby, you will take Master Draco."

Dobby, who was slightly green, had his ears trailing on the ground as he obeyed his former mistress and picked up Draco miserably. Pinkie took Hermione eagerly, the little girl cooing joyously at being away from the fiend that was Draco Malfoy.

"Now, Headmaster," Narcissa barked as the houselves trundled out of the room, Draco trying to eat Dobby's ear, "I shall send them back when they are young adults once again. I shall let you know if anything goes horribly wrong."

"Of course, of course," Dumbeldore looked delighted as Narcissa marched out of the door.

The group of children, Narcissa and houselves reached the carriage with little incident apart from Draco sneering so nastily at a third year she fell down the stairs, much to Draco and Hermione's amusement. The long blonde plaits she wore caught her before she plunged to her death or serious injury through the banisters, and Narcissa levitated her up safely. They left her on the stairs with her friend, feeling rather faint.

"Now, strap the children in," Narcissa commanded, stepping up into the carriage.

She settled like a flurry of snow, wrapping the cream silk around herself more firmly and adjusting the large white sun hat to avoid any of the mild sun rays. Opposite her, Hermione giggled happily at Draco's struggled to release himself, which included throwing himself rather painfully against the buckle.

"Draco!" scolded Narcissa sharply, "Stop that! Sit still."

"Mu-u-u-mmy," Draco whinged unhappily, reaching out to her with his little arms.

"No," she replied sharply, "now, I have a treat for my favourite babies. Hermione dear, you may also be a favourite child, because, honestly, Rose Parkinson's newest granddaughter is so ugly."

"Treat?" Draco ignored the rest of the dialogue, although Hermione looked pleased.

"Of course darling," Narcissa smiled at him indulgently, "we're going shopping first, and then you two can help me rearrange the dining room for the party tonight. Won't that be fun?"

Draco's face fell. Narcissa ignored this or took it as a positive indication, either way she pinched his chubby cheek between her fore-finger and thumb and waggled the skin up and down.

"Yes, you are an adorable child," she told him, "I must enter you for the Witch Weekly Most Charming Smile award this year. Let's see Rose Parkinson beat that."

As Hermione choked on suppressed laughter, Draco wriggled frantically to get away from his mother. Narcissa shrugged and picked up a copy of Witch Weekly, turning to the gossip pages immediately.

"Well, fancy that," she said after a while, "Mrs Zabini met Millicent Bulstrode last Wednesday. I wonder if they're thinking about starting a betrothal."

Draco and Hermione's ears picked up; the Hogwarts gossip mills were always ripe for some outside information, and priceless stuff like this didn't come everyday. Narcissa glanced at Draco again briefly, and frowned.

"If you aren't going to find a girlfriend soon, I may have to take Rose up on her offer, and have you betrothed to their youngest girl, Pansy, is that her name?"

Draco paled considerably, and shook his head vehemently, the power of speech apparently struck from him in terror. Hermione grinned savagely.

"Well, here we are."

Narcissa rolled up her magazine and dropped it casually on the seat before casting doubtful looks over the two children. Drawing out her wand, she cast a binding charm. A light blue rope shimmied out of the tip of her ash wand and wrapped itself gently around their ankles. A second rope sped into Narcissa's hands from Draco's ankle, and she smiled in satisfaction.

"I can't possibly loose you now," she exclaimed happily, and stretched down from the carriage, tugging the children after them.

Diagon Alley was filled with witches and wizards of every age above eighteen and below eleven. Mrs Rose Parkinson was in the Apothecary arguing over the price of cat eyes furiously, her shrill voice domineering the crowd easily. Narcissa pulled them away, telling them that Rose would see them later, and she had a time schedule. Hermione spotted Mrs Weasley's back scurrying into a book shop, and ached to follow her. Narcissa guided them into the dress maker's shop, Madame Malkin's, and proceeded to take the centre of attention.

"Lady Malfoy!" Madame herself scurried over, "How lovely to see you!"

"Good afternoon," Narcissa began cordially, "I'm looking for outfits for these two, and for myself."

"Of course! I shall attend to your outfits myself, Samin, look after the children, and fit them."

Samin was a younger woman with a pinched face and long nose, wearing a plain navy blue robe with white trim. She caught Draco first and set him up on the stand with an immobilising charm so that only his eyes rolled frantically. As she began to hold batches of coloured silk and velvet up to cheeks and hair, Hermione began pulling funny faces at him, still sitting obediently in her chair. Draco began to laugh unwillingly, he face turning red.

"What on earth," Samin turned to Hermione and rolled her eyes, "sit still, little girl."

Hermione, seeing Narcissa was talking excitedly to Madame on the other side of the small shop, hopped off her chair and began to do an odd dance. Draco snorted, but as Samin turned around, Hermione was back in her seat, smiling angelically. As the assistant turned around with sky blue silk, Hermione tiptoed into the cloth aisle. She came out with a sheet of white velvet over her head making ghost noises as Samin was cutting the fabric, and Draco turned purple.

"Hey!" Samin turned, angry, as Hermione fell over and crashed into the edge of a mannequin, "Immobilise! That's better."

Hermione and Draco, now lodged against the stand with matching outfits being constructed around them, had a perfect view of what happened next. As the mannequin fell, it toppled into a rail of dresses, sending them into the material, sending a bale of cotton into the accessory vats, sending a storm of silver, gold and bronze baubles flying into the air. It rained bits of lace and ribbon, covered the entire shop. Unfortunately the accessories used in wizarding dressmaking were self-stick for ease, and soon Madame Malkin emerged with pink lace in her hair and bows all over her breast, quivering with anger.

"Samin!" she bellowed, helping up Narcissa Malfoy, who had been mercifully shielded from the blow by a sheet of ice grey gauze, "You idiot girl!"

"It wasn't me!" Samin protested, "It was the children!"

"How dare you?" Narcissa joined in eagerly, looking at the angelic duo, "They're frozen by the counter! That's it; I am taking my custom elsewhere!"

"Oh no, Lady Malfoy!" Samin wailed, "I am so sorry!"

But the group had already wept out of the shop, Narcissa pulling the children along as the charms faded. Behind them, Madame Malkin was berating Samin, and the girl was wailing loudly. Hermione looked at Draco with wide, frightened eyes, and Draco pressed a finger to his lips in a show of secrecy. Narcissa was complaining loudly as she stalked along the street, warning the other shoppers to try somewhere else, as Madame was getting shoddy. Soon all three were enclosed in their carriage, Narcissa still slightly pink in the cheeks. Within moments Malfoy Manor had appeared, and the children had been bundled into the dining room with minimum contact from Dobby.

"Honestly," Narcissa grumbled, "the nerve of that witch! Now my dears, do you think the pink streamers look best, or the yellow?"

Neither child answered, an oddly glazed expression had come over their faces. With a little scream Draco belted away from his mother, who was coming at him with a large yellow bow for him to hold. Hermione, the bright blue rope glowing briefly, was pulled forward at breakneck pace, and bumped along behind him as he swung around a large table. Narcissa leant to pick Hermione up and got tangled in the magical rope, sending her toppling onto the chaise-lounge with an expulsion of air.

"Draco!" she said sharply, sitting up, "Come here this instant!"

"No!"

He dived under the nearest chair, dragging Hermione after him. She let out a little scream as she bumped her elbow on the ornately carved chair leg. Narcissa, a furious look on her face, reached underneath the chair to seize him, resulting in Draco scuttling away from her and knocking over a coffee table. The brown liquid in a tea cup spilt on Narcissa's skirt and she let out a yelp of surprise.

"Draco!"

Hermione was dragged forwards suddenly, almost landing on her head as Draco sought refuge under the large desk. As Narcissa lunged for him, he dived bravely for the curtains and wiggled behind them. Hermione rolled over and followed him on unsteady legs, deciding it would better to run rather than be pulverised. Narcissa made a rather undignified swipe at her son and caught Hermione instead. Grinning, she pulled the girl ferociously, intending to pull Draco with her.

"Ow!" Hermione shrieked as Draco latched onto the desk leg as he sailed past it.

"Draco!" Narcissa shouted again, "Let go of that desk!"

"No!"

"Ow!" Hermione screamed as the rope tightened around her ankle.

Narcissa, worried about Hermione, let go. Draco tugged forward as soon as Hermione hit the floor, and she bounced after him as he ran from the desk to the dining table to hide between the legs.

"You know, Draco, you are far more trouble this time around," Narcissa sighed, red in the face.

"Bad," Hermione sulked, rubbing her ankle from underneath the table, "bad Draco!"

"Indeed Hermione. Now, do you two want to decorate this room, or not?"

An anguished shriek from Draco was heard, and his mother sighed in exasperation.

"Fine then. I think some lunch is in order, and then a nice lie down."

Draco screamed again, louder, and his mother compensated again.

"Only the lie down for me then. How about some pasta?"

Draco crawled happily from under the table and stood up, dragging Hermione after him.

"Finally," Narcissa sighed, and summoned the mourning Dobby, "some lunch Dobby."

…

Sorry, there are no individual thanks because this took me a long time and it is an extra long chapter as a reward for you!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and keep reviewing please! I love reviews!

P.s. there may be romance next chapter...or at least a bit of old-fashioned hero-ing!


	8. Bad Bobby Malfoy

**Compatible Evil**

**Chapter Eight: Bad Bobby Malfoy**

The Malfoy grounds extended for acres and acres of rolling British countryside; it engulfed a third of the New Forest at the pinnacle, and dipped down to the coast in three different tangents. The gardens attached to the house however were of a more modest size, enclosing two tennis lawns, a huge lawn, a small romantic wood, three miles of water works and a flower garden. It was to this flower garden that Narcissa retired after her uncivilized lunch and hour's nap, wrapped in a thicker silk mantle over the delicately sprigged Egyptian cotton gown.

"What can Dobby do for Lady Malfoy?" Dobby, overly anxious to please and glad to be away from the tiny tear-aways, flapped his ears at Narcissa.

"A glass of iced tea," Narcissa commanded regally, rather glad that something obeyed her, "with three and a half ice cubes and a twist of lemon. Perhaps an iced bath-bun as well."

"Whatever Lady Malfoy wishes for, Dobby will get Lady Malfoy."

"Well go and get it then!" she snapped.

When Dobby returned to the garden bearing a small silver platter on which stood a tall glass of ice tea with three and a half ice cubes, a twist of lemon and a plate with a large bath-bun, Narcissa was seated at a wrought iron table, reclining in a matching chair. Her blonde hair had been released from the tightly wound bun, and spilt down her back, and her customary sneer was replaced with a look of peace. Dobby felt a rush of elation as she didn't open her eyes as he deposited his tray; maybe he wasn't such an awful houself after all. Lady Malfoy was pleased with Dobby!

"Dobby?" Narcissa called suddenly, and Dobby's little elfish heart sank, "Where are the children?"

"Miss Hermione and his honourable Master Draco," Dobby said, "they is out on the main lawn, Lady Malfoy."

"The main lawn?" Narcissa sat bolt upright, and then relaxed again, "I'm sure someone remembered to lock up the chimera."

"Of course, Lady Malfoy," Dobby idly wondered who it was, as this had been his old job, "But Dobby will check on them once he has done his chores."

"Good. You are dismissed."

"Blooper?" Hermione asked, patting the soft, neatly clipped grass, "would you like to play?"

"Playing is fun," Draco conceded, "Yes, Draco would like to play."

Hermione smiled at him widely, her neat French pigtails waving in the slight breeze. She rolled the large red and green ball Narcissa had bought them to Draco, and he caught it. The ball, easily the same size as them, rolled back and forth between them again, bouncing on the perfect turf. Hermione hesitated suddenly; the breeze on her neck was getting warmer suddenly. Shrugging it off, she threw the ball back to the other child, who caught it and laughed.

"Wha's funny?" Hermione asked.

"Mummy," he confessed as he pushed the ball smoothly towards her, "in the clothes shop. She was so funny."

"Yeah, your mummy is funny," Hermione admitted, shifting uncomfortably, "Blooper, my neck is warm."

"Your neck?" Draco asked, and looked up.

He laughed loudly, pointing at something behind Hermione.

"The chimera has come to visit us;" he chortled happily, "Draco calls him Bobby."

"Bobby?" Hermione turned towards the direction Draco was pointing in, "He's really big."

The goat head turned towards her and snuffled at her hair. Hermione giggled at the tickly feeling the soft tongue and dry lips made against her bare neck and brown curls. She reached a tiny hand up and patted it enthusiastically as Draco moved over to stand with her eagerly.

"Hello Bobby," he said happily, "do you want to eat me?"

The lion head laid itself on Draco's shoulder, and then very suddenly grabbed him. Draco shrieked with laughter and Hermione watched in awe as the lion tossed Draco high into the air and caught him again in one huge velvety paw. She patted the goat absently as it licked her pink knees with an abrasive tongue. Draco was tipped back onto the ground, giggling.

"Again!" he shouted.

The lion tossed him further again, catching him by the neck of his tiny robes and shaking him gently. The little boy, laughing loudly, swayed from side to side, making a brokenly happy sound like a klaxon, falling and undulating. The lion mewed suddenly and licked his head enthusiastically, leaving his hair covered in big sloops of lion spit.

"Can I have a go?" Hermione could no longer contain herself, "Please Draco!"

"Okay," Draco charmingly stood to one side and spoke to the dragon head.

"Eat me too please!" Hermione asked the lion eagerly.

The lion happily sniffed her over, and seized her in its mouth. Hermione shrieked with delight as the lion shook her up and down and then tossed her in the air. She was flying suddenly, her skirt around her waist, flapping her arms like wings before the lion caught her softly and deposited her on the lawn.

"That was fun!" Hermione chanted, moving back to petting the goat.

Draco has his arms around the dragon head as it teasingly tried to shake him off. Finally the little boy let go, sending himself rocketing sideways into Hermione. She toppled, and Draco's new pin pierced her finger. As they lay on the ground in a tangle, laughing, the tiny droplet of blood smeared over Draco's jumper.

"Draco," Hermione said at last, "you're squishing me."

"Sorry," Draco repentantly struggled to his feet.

Hermione followed him happily, tangling her little fingers in the goat's mane. A rather strange sensation spread over her limbs, as if someone had cracked a giant egg on her head, dripping down. Draco gave her a rather shocked look, and she could feel her limbs and clothes lengthening and expanding. Soon a pair of teenagers were sitting on the lawn, the chimera above them, still enormous. Hermione laughed, and was surprised when Draco joined in briefly.

"I have blood on my jumper," he said at last, inspecting himself, "when did I cut myself?"

"You didn't," Hermione replied, dusting down her flared skirt, "I cut my finger on your pin."

"_Your_ finger?"

Draco's face went from pale to ashen in a moment, and Hermione looked at him in surprise. The lion was sniffing wildly above them.

"Granger, back away slowly," he whispered, "sweet Merlin preserve us."

"Why, what's wrong?" Hermione surprised, turned her back on the chimera to look at him better.

"Granger!" Malfoy's voice was urgent, "don't turn your back! That's a fully grown wild chimera."

"What? So?"

"The Malfoy chimera has been trained to destroy muggleborn blood."

"But it was perfectly friendly a moment ago," Hermione said irrationally, panicking.

"We weren't smeared with your blood a moment ago!"

"What do we do?" her voice rising in hysteria.

"Stay calm!" he snapped, "It would be alright if my jumper wasn't covered in blood."

"Then take your jumper off!" she bawled at him.

"No good! It won't stop and think 'hey, he's stopped smelling like muggleborn blood'!"

"It might distract it though!" she bellowed, throwing the red and green ball with all her might over the dragon head.

The chimera was either toying with them or it wasn't as clever as it seemed to be; because all three heads snapped backwards and got tangled up. While it was untangling itself, Malfoy managed to wrestle his way out of his jumper.

"Throw it!" Hermione squawked as the chimera swivelled round to look at her with three pairs of beady eyes.

Malfoy threw it as hard as he could and even as the Chimera turned, he was barrelling with Hermione past it. Within seconds their hearts were pounding and they were gasping for breath, a stitch forming instantaneously in Hermione's side. Draco's arms were half around her waist and his hands grasped her wrists tightly. Behind them the lion roared furiously, and a heavy thumping alerted them to the chase of the beast.

"Run!" Draco bellowed needlessly, because they were both running as fast as they could.

"Help!" screamed Hermione, hoping anyone could hear them.

Draco risked a glance over his shoulder, and stumbled. Hermione tugged him upright, but his weight brought her down on top of him.

"Run Granger!" Draco yelled in her ear, the chimera getting closer and closer, "Run you idiot!"

"I'm not leaving you here!" she proclaimed boldly, tears running down her cheeks, "We'll be eaten by the bloody thing together."

"Idiot!" Draco screamed as the chimera poised above them, one heavy paw raised above their heads.

"Dobby!" came a sudden horrified shriek.

Narcissa Malfoy, fully revitalised after her break, had come out to see if the children wanted to help her rearrange the dining room for a party she was hosting tonight (clearly having not learnt her lesson, or determined to reassert her authority), screamed for the houself desperately. Her son, her precious heir, was lying with a Gryffindor girl on the lawn with the chimera poised to eat them whole. She grasped the garden wall for support.

"Lady Malfoy?" Dobby appeared even as the chimera slashed Hermione's face lightly, playing with its new prey, "What can Dobby do for the fabulous Lady Malfoy?"

"The chimera!" she shrieked.

"Draco!" Hermione screamed loudly, "We're going to die!"

"No!" Narcissa screamed as the chimera brought down three heads to bite their necks, "No!"

"**Bobby**!" a sudden bellow from the houself; "Bad **Bobby**!"

The chimera paused, later Draco would swear a slightly guilty look came into its eyes, and dropped itself on its back suddenly, partially squashing the pair of teenagers.

"It's going to crush us to death!" Hermione whimpered, blood pouring onto Draco's face from hers.

"**Roll** over Bobby," they suddenly heard, and the huge weight was removed, "good boy."

Hermione Granger was completely frozen, draped over Draco. The sky seemed a terribly bright shade of blue, the grass beneath them was the comfiest thing she had ever lain on, and Narcissa's shrieks of jubilant delight the sweetest music she had ever heard.

"Draco!" Narcissa dropped to her knees next to the teenagers and began lacing Draco with kisses, stroking Hermione's hair in relief as well, "I thought you were going to die! Don't you ever do that to me again you stupid boy!

"Mum," he said weakly, "I can't breathe properly."

"Oh," Hermione was very happy to be alive suddenly, "that's because I'm lying on you."

She rolled off his and they got to their feet shakily. Narcissa was draped around Draco's neck, weeping, as they walked back to the Manor, like a giant feather boa. Hermione followed them up, casting anxious looks over her shoulder as Dobby continued to scratch the chimera's stomach contentedly. Narcissa sank onto the outdoor sofa thankfully, a hand pressed to her heart dramatically.

"Mum," Draco glanced at Hermione, "I think Hermione and I had better go back to school while we're still adults. Is that alright?"

"Yes, yes," Narcissa flapped a hand at them, "I'll see you in a week and a half, and not a day sooner do you understand? And when you get back, you are not to go anywhere near that chimera!"

"Yes mum. Sorry for all the bother."

"You weren't _that_ bad when you were genuinely small," Narcissa reminisced, "although once you did try and eat your father's wand. Now, have a nice time at school and try not to argue again, will you?"

"We'll try, Mrs Malfoy," Hermione promised as Draco smirked.

Narcissa looked at the young woman and, with her eyes filling with tears, clasped her in a large hug. Hermione's blood smeared all over the cream silk, but Narcissa waved it off as she surveyed them with a hint of pride in her eyes.

"Draco!" they heard as they activated the portkey, "Bring Hermione to visit some day!"

They landed, Hermione clutching her stomach, in their shared Head room.

"We ought to go and see Dumbeldore," Hermione said awkwardly.

"Yeah," Draco agreed, looking rather dazed, "hey, don't tell anyone about the wand thing, will you?"

She laughed then as they filled out of the room, but caught his pale, smooth hand suddenly in hers just before they left the entrance hall. He looked at her in surprise, but didn't try and remove her hand immediately.

"I just wanted to say thanks," she admitted, "and I'm sorry about all the mess."

"Well, I'm sorry that I left you all those bruises," he admitted seriously, and she grinned.

"We'll call it quits then," and he agreed to her proposal.

Seemingly possessed by something (in her opinion) she leant forwards suddenly and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek in thanks. As Draco froze, cheeks blushing furiously, she slipped inside the Great Hall, mentally berating herself.

A streamer fell on her head rather painfully; bringing with it a birch tree onto her shoulder, but that is another story entirely. It is one that involves Professor Snape, his favourite and only godson, and a slicing charm. Needless to say, it knocked any happy thoughts out of her head and she had to go to the infirmary with Malfoy to get their injuries checked over.

…

Thanks to; wiccan-witch88; lil-kasumi-rain; foxeran; Sunflower18; Zoey; lilpuppy3; silent-serpent; Prin69; E.A.V; Draco's Blackrose; SmearedBlackInk & everyone else who I haven't mentioned!

**Do they have adult mentalities**? (Foxeran)

They have a mixture of adult and child mentalities; they carry irrational dislike, hurt and memories with them, and also have moments when they seem to be adult minds in child bodies. They're quick on the uptake because they're clever children.

**Is there a plot?** (silent-serpent)

Yes, there is a plot! However, the romance (I assume the plot you are referring to is this one) does progress fairly slowly as I don't think there would be a kind of:

_Draco_: forgive me for all my past transgressions!

_Hermione_: Oh, of course! Everyone makes mistakes!

_Draco_: Will you come with me to the Three Broomsticks on Saturday? – Which I own by the way…

_Hermione_: I can't possibly trust you, but I'll come anyway!

Insert sloppy kiss and a trip to the bedroom here

Also, I tend to write fairly elliptically, so the plot is spun across a load of chapters.

**Are they going to keep changing from adult to child? (**SmearedBlackInk)

Yes – there is a reason they keep changing, and until they can sort it out, they'll be changing fairly regularly! Besides, they're more fun to write as children!

I apologise for the delay in this chapter, but having a terrorist attack does tend to disrupt things like this.


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